A grieving father relives a final phone call to his son, a call that went unanswered.
“…Things can be going well and something…triggers them,” said Keith Lay of Oak Ridge, reflecting on Nov. 21, 2020.
“…According to the police, he went to a store to purchase a gun, and that afternoon, he ended his life,” said Lay.
His 36-year-old son Brandon was a combat Marine veteran of two tours during the war in Afghanistan.
“I wish I could have done more for my son. I wish the government would have done more for myself. I wish the military would have done more for my son,” said Lay.
Brandon was studying to be a counselor. A decade after his military service the Marine veteran had settled in Iowa and devoted many of his days working to serve others. The work included a list of nonprofits created to help military veterans suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.
“I thought he was burning the candle at both ends, but he had a passion for it, and that legacy that he left,” said his dad.
Raised in Oak Ridge, Brandon grew up playing sports and found a love for adventure exploring the woods of East Tennessee with his dog.
“He loved animals…they would come right up to him. I remember him feeding squirrels…He'd have the peanut in his hand…and they'd come up to him…had that connection with the woods.”
“9/11 (terror attacks)…like many young men, that really solidified in his mind, ‘I want to do something for my country,’” said Lay, who admired the four years of service his son committed to his fellow Marines and his country.
“He loved children. He asked for care packages: 'Mom and Dad always send some candy. I like to give them to the children. I feel so sorry for them going through war,’”
said Lay.
But the military father also witnessed the mental hardship his son faced after war service.
“…although he left the battlefield…the battlefield in his mind never left him. The demons haunted him day and night. I remember him telling me, ‘Dad, I wish I could have a good night's sleep. Dad, how come I can't be normal again?’”
A counter full of prescription pills, alcohol, even therapy failed to quiet those nagging questions. Brandon’s demons remained.
“They go 13 weeks of boot camp to train for war, and they have just two or three days of assimilating-back classes into society. It ain't working, and that's evident by the number of our veterans that are succumbing to that depression or suicide,”
said Lay.
Brandon also endured the loss of his mother to cancer. His mom and dad had celebrated 36 years of marriage.
“Of (our) four children…he was the first one to say hello to her in heaven, and that gives me great comfort, knowing that he's at peace now,” said Lay.
Charity work appeared to offer Brandon a positive path to help heal himself and others facing similar struggles. He was even invited to testify before Congress and push for more support to address the ongoing battle facing many veterans stateside wrapped in depression and isolation.
“We need to spend time and resources to help (military veterans) assimilate back into society to be productive. They had the initiative. They are willing to (serve). We need to be willing to give,” said Lay.
In a rare tribute reserved for only a handful of leaders, the state of Iowa held a service honoring Brandon inside the rotunda of the capitol in Des Moines. The outside of memorial tribute booklet was inscribed with the following, read aloud by his dad: “A celebration of life. Timothy Brandon Lay. A dedicated Marine, a selfless volunteer, a loving friend. Those words best describe my son.”