KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Rhonda Clay said words were his first weapon. He would intimidate her and tear down her self-esteem, she said.
She is talking about her ex-husband and the manner in which his abuse started before it escalated.
"The physical abuse began when I decided to leave," she said.
In 2000, Clay said she had enough and decided to take her son and leave. IT was her ex-husbands birthday and her son was around six months old. She said that he wanted to go out, but when she disagreed, Clay's ex-husband became violent.
"I was breastfeeding my son. and he threw something at me and said ... 'I'll deal with you when I get home,'" she said.
For Clay, that was it.
"I looked down at my baby boy and said I'm not going to raise him in this situation," she said. "I packed up a bag for me and some of my son's things and went to a hotel."
Clay did not immediately call her family for help. She said that she felt ashamed and alone in the moments after leaving her ex-husband, and that she didn't want to reach out to anyone.
"It was scary ... very scary ... I felt very isolated," she said.
She eventually told her parents and later get a restraining order against her ex-husband, but not without two more years of fear.
"He had a campaign of stalking me and threatening me and my family," Clay said.
But that was then. Today, Clay's life looks a little different. She remarried in 2010 and is away from her abusive ex-husband, settling down with a new one.
"I call him my rainbow after the storm," she said.
She is healing and she is dedicated to being an advocate for other survivors.
"I've had therapy. My son has had therapy," she said. "There is hope, there is help and hope and life on the other side of it."
Clay is also on the board that plans Domestic Violence Awareness Month with the YWCA. This month the organization's campaign is #YWeBelieveYou. You can find more info on its work and resources for survivors here.